as preserved by Steve Gallagher

Editor’s note:

My good friend, Steve, discovered something quite unusual a few years back.  He found a highly unique stack of letters.  He’s never been willing to divulge to me where he found them, and he’s kept them behind lock and key ever since he “supposedly” stumbled upon them.  And not until now, has he been willing to bring them out into the open.  Yes, this is only one letter, and it’s letter #54 at that, however, if Steve is finally willing to share, I’m not going to bicker about how much he’s willing to divulge and why in the world he’s starting us out with #54.  But you can bet that I’m going to continue to twist his arm in order to get more where this came from. 

What you have before you is the correspondence of what would appear to be two demons.  The writer appears to be named, Toxic, while his understudy goes by the name Pitch.  Supposedly, Steve has not tampered with these letters in any way but is relaying them to us in the precise manner he unearthed them.  Oh, if only C.S. Lewis were alive to witness this extraordinary knock-off.

My Dear Pitch,

As you well know, one of the great undertakings of our cause is to discredit everything the Enemy does. Since words are the vehicles of communication, we must put forth great effort at using meaningful spiritual terms in a way that will make them ineffectual.

For instance, you surely remember in the beginning of the last century how we launched (at my brilliant suggestion) such a successful campaign to discredit the term love. We completely nullified the effectiveness of the word through overuse. By the time our crusade had concluded, people were using the word to describe their feelings about everything from a sports team to a pet cat. The ridiculous concept the Enemy had put forth in the Bible (Can you imagine people actually treating each other with kindness?) was completely forgotten. Certainly it was one of my greatest feats.

Another important tactic is to compel our subjects to twist the meaning of a word. Do you remember when the word holiness provoked dupes to swear off all the worldly entertainment we were offering them? It was almost a terrible disaster! You know how I won this battle of wits? I found some self-righteous Christians who were only too willing to overemphasize outward things such as wearing makeup or playing cards under the term holiness. By the time we were done with them, holiness became politically incorrect—even in the Church! After that, anytime some preacher would call Christians to live a holy life, we quickly offered memories of excessive rule-keeping as an example of this concept. Once we invalidated it, we were free to usher into the Church all kinds of worldliness through television, movies and magazines. Another great triumph! No wonder I am thought so highly of in the regions of Hell!

I’ll mention one more strategy we can use to destroy the effectiveness of spiritual terms: exaggerating how a word is used. As a prime example, consider how we mauled the term radical in the 80’s. The fanatics used it to describe a completely sold-out mentality for Christianity—a concept that began to really take hold among youth. In this case, we simply began suggesting its use for the most ordinary and even carnal level of Christianity. Before long, every dead ministry, stale sermon and pathetic book was being called radical! Another resounding victory for our side! When those poor dupes tried to use it to describe an utter abandonment to the cause of the Enemy, they found out soon enough that the term had lost its punch.

We must remain vigilant to keep an eye on the Enemy’s most fanatical followers. Whenever you see them brandishing a new word or concept, we must attack it ruthlessly in every conceivable manner.

I realize you’re a fairly pathetic imp, but just keep following my advice and one day you may become as awesome as me!

Your Malicious Mentor, Toxic

Editor’s Note:

Steve Gallagher is more than just the guardian of the letters of “Toxic Advice,” he’s also the president of Pure Life Ministries in Dry Ridge, Kentucky.  He’s a prolific writer, authoring over twelve books, which, of course, is one of the reasons why I’ve often questioned the true origin of these supposed “Toxic” letters.   I mean, how is it that these letters “just happen” to be found by a guy who writes for a living? Hmmm.  This is highly questionable if you ask me.  Anyway, Steve’s shady imitations of C.S. Lewis aside, this guy is one of the bravehearted men of our modern day and a worthwhile leader to keep tabs on.  If you are looking for men with the manly stuff, look no further than this fuzzy-faced ex-cop who preaches as if today may very well be his last.